Gather round children, no not you Punk, stay there, in fact, go fetch me berries and cheese….I meant now Punk.
Anyway you may have heard of Fruznari’s Stand….you haven’t. Well maybe you just don’t listen to that sort of thing. It’s not exactly the sort of thing you would hear at mainstream campfires. I will tell you now then. Carry the story far and wide children.
I had been dispatched to protect several children and guide them as they proved their worth in a hunt of great greatness. The Elders knew I had participated in many hunts. It was really only in a technical sense that I hadn’t been initiated. Really.
Seriously that’s true. That’s not what you heard? Who told you that? Oh is that so? Well we’ll talk about your mother later. I’ve got a few stories about her myself.
Where was I? Oh…while we rested at camp, preparing to venture into the hunting grounds, I sensed the approach of a horrible beast with some serious big sharp pointy teeth. I braced myself and warned the children in my care “you better run!” I shouted and prepared to engage in, what I call, back battle.
You’ve never heard of back battle? I’m not surprised. I have to say the children at the other camp fires have all heard about back battle. You should get out more.
I fiercely assaulted the beast, with my back, all the while watching the children to ensure they were protected from the horrible creature. I then feigned unconsciousness as I further engaged the beast, ultimately subduing it with a new limp-limb flailing form of assault I have yet to name. But once I do, it will be awesome and you will all want to learn it.
In my honor my companions took trophies of the beast and now wear them as a token of appreciation, and to remember my honor, of my bravery and my unique ability to aggressively bleed on a foe until they submit in fear.
That sure is taking a while Punk.